If you’re anything like me, you know there’s a connection between sex and success - and you want to know more!
Every month in my group program “The Success Sessions,” I invite a special guest to join us to speak about their definition of success. Our guests include millionaire business owners, advisors to Oprah, PR mavens, relationship gurus, and powerful spiritual teachers. Each is an expert in their field, and powerful in (seemingly) every aspect of their lives.
And our curiosity about sex and success - and the relationship between them - is why we recently invited Ken Blackman - a sex and connection expert - to speak to us about his understanding of this topic. Ken has worked with hundreds of couples from San Francisco to Sydney and in the last two decades has trained thousands of students in workshops all over the world. Today, his powerful and unapologetic take on relationships is shifting the world conversation around sex, love, and committed coupledom.
At the beginning of our conversation, I asked Ken, “What did success mean to you as a child - and how were you wrong?”
And it turns out that Ken had no attachment to the concept of success as a kid. He was intellectual, very into reading and science, and success wasn’t a relevant concept for him until later in life.
Success by more conventional, material standards came later for Ken and came easily, too. But not because he was working hard at it.
But then something interesting happened: Ken was a bit backwards when it came to women. He felt challenged in finding fulfilling relationships with women - and from that challenge, a clear definition of success arose.
When I asked him to say more, he spoke about all the fantastic experiences you can have in life—a ski trip, dinner out at a Michelin star restaurant, traveling the world—and how you can do them all alone. None of them require another human being.
But then, there’s this thing called human connection that you can only experience with another human being. We all crave this and need it, and yet there’s nothing you can do alone that’s going to replace the need for human connection. That’s why Ken bases couples’ success and the success of his relationship on the quality of the connection—on two persons’ ability to lower their facade and share real, intimate connection.
Part of what I found so fascinating about his story was that it was the desire to figure something out that ignited his ambition. It was a challenge that gave him something to strive for. Since so much had come easily to him, he had no real ambition of his own until he found this thing that was going to take work and dedication.
The drive for real connection sparked the flame of Ken’s ambition, the drive to transform. He learned how to create and cultivate that sense of connection - powerfully, uniquely, unobtrusively and consistently. Ken got so masterful in this domain that he created a whole new career for himself that focuses on helping others master their intimate relationships, too.
So the answer to the question about the connection between sex and success? Connection IS the connection.
Connection - through intimacy, quality time, presence - is the thing that makes all our lives vibrant, unique, worthwhile. Sex - and all other forms of genuine connection - bring us the fulfillment that makes our lives a true success.
Interested in finding out more about The Success Sessions and how you define success? We’d love to meet you. Find out more here.