Here’s the truth: once you reach the age of 18, you are no longer your mother’s daughter. You are no longer your father’s son. You are related, you are family. The contract of taking care is over – and everything else is a choice.
If you’re visiting your family for the holidays – and let’s be honest, even if you’re not – it’s super important to get clear on your boundaries.
Because if you’re an ambitious, visionary entrepreneur headed for a seven-figure income… chances are you’re breaking free from your family lineage in some truly massive ways.
It’s no secret that I’ve been extraordinarily successful in a short period of time. I changed my class and built a seven figure coaching business in just two years.
And I had to create very different boundaries with my family to get there. (My parents can tell you all about it!)
See, when my business first hit six figures, I hit up against my “parent paradigm.”
Early on in my business, I had a few really good months, making $20,000 per month. I was thrilled. $20,000 in sales! Again! Again! I thought I was rocking and rolling. I didn’t have to worry about a thing.
Then I went to see my parents for two weeks.
Do you want to know how much I made in sales that month?
When my wealth and success were tender and new, I could claim them – but only conditionally. Only when I was by myself.
My parent material was activated: I desperately wanted both my parents to understand and approve of every choice I was making. I honestly didn’t know who I was without that approval. At the same time, I believed they would be horrified if they knew how much I was paying in rent, and it seemed like all my choices were different from the choices they had made and the beliefs those choices represented.
I felt their judgment and feared their punishment.
So when I visited my parents in that early stage of my business, of course it tanked my momentum. My parents wanted me to be happy – but they didn’t fully understand what I was doing or directly support me. And all I wanted to do was hide and feel the familiar comfort of their love and supportive understanding. I walked right into the field of my old reality – and got stuck there.
The gift of that experience was learning to keep very different boundaries with my parents – and everyone in my life.
Once I realized what was going on, my income rose right back to those six figures, and then I added a zero to make it seven.
Today, I have loving and generous relationships with my parents. I set boundaries on the time I spend with them, stay in my own space when we visit, and refuse to blame them – or anyone else – for my results. Period. I’m responsible – no one else.
So – does following your dreams and being successful require you to betray your family lineage?
In a way, yes, it does.
If it didn’t, you’d be living those dreams already.
Living your dreams will require you to do things that nobody in your family or ancestry has ever done before.
It will definitely require you to BE someone you’ve never been before: your full, true self! No roles. No hooks.
And when you grow, it can feel like you’re betraying everyone in your life: your family, old friends, and all the people you have known who never did what you’re doing, who’ve never had what you’re reaching for.
You might feel greedy. Selfish. Ungrateful. Bad. However you have avoided being seen up until now – that’s what is at stake.
Yet, when you vision something new for your life, you’re stepping more fully into the person you really are. You’re seeing yourself as someone you haven’t been before. You’re imagining yourself doing things you’ve never done before. (Building a million-dollar business, becoming a successful author, creating a global impact – whatever your actual big dream is. A small but radical dream can work here, too!)
At some level, we are all afraid to live those visions because we don’t want to be cast out, rejected, or judged.
If you’re the first person in your family to build a million dollar business, make $30K in a month, created global impact… I guarantee you’re going to resist your vision to some extent.
Being the first one in your family to do anything requires stepping out of your lineage. It may require you breaking free of generations of poverty or self-imposed limitations. It might call upon you to release generations of trauma and victimhood.
But here’s the thing: if you say yes, you’ll get to actually break the pattern…forever.
See how deep this work is?
It’s worth noting that being successful and reaching your goals can also be a direct honoring of your lineage – after all, their example (and counterexamples) are what helped you get where you are today. That’s not a betrayal. But it might feel like one.
You’re treading new territory. It’s scary.
If you can accept this discomfort and move forward anyway, then you can accomplish extraordinary things in your life.
Our entire ancestral path is meant to support us in breaking through whatever they couldn’t. And in truth, when you break the pattern, you break it for everyone.
THE AMAZING THING IS THAT YOU DO THIS BY BEING YOURSELF.
By living YOUR dream, you heal the whole family line – past and future. By letting yourself be big, bold, and bright, you claim that truth for everyone.
So when you see your family next, remember – they may not understand. They don’t need to: it’s your life, your purpose, your vision. Set the boundaries you need to remain in your truth, hold those boundaries, and make your dreams real.
Happy holidays, beloveds. Use this time to dig deep and claim your purpose even more powerfully than ever before. With devotion, humility, and kindness.
You’ve got this.