Harming or Healing? When TRUTH shows up.

The idea that I will never cause harm is a kind of toxic perfectionism. It’s what has my clients put me on a pedestal – from which I can only fall.

I cause harm – we all do. 

That doesn’t make it okay. 

But the awareness makes it possible for me to see what’s really happening, be present when I am confronted, and use it to go deeper.

Just three weeks ago, a family member reached out to challenge me about a decision I made a few years ago – he felt deeply hurt by my choice and doesn’t feel he can trust me now.

Then two weeks ago at my virtual retreat, I got real ferocious about people taking action by stepping into a conversation with my team about how we could serve them. Some people were lit up by it. Some people were offended, hurt, and even felt harmed. (I’m so grateful they were all willing to tell me about their experience – both during the event and after.) 

I’m not in a particular period, ya’ll. This kind of feedback is part of what I have received since I decided to prioritize 1) being myself and 2) welcoming the truth of other people’s experience. 

I’m here to hear the truth. I want people to tell me about their experience of me, truly – and it can also be wildly uncomfortable. 

Why? Two distinct things: One, I genuinely don’t desire to harm anyone.
Two, I haven’t wanted to be seen as harmful. 

I’ve been leaning into this for a few years now, and these last few weeks took the lesson deeper.

How willing am I to be seen as harmful?
By others?
By myself?

I cherish my ahimsa (non-harming) practice. While at the same time, I am even more dedicated to the truth – and it’s a good thing. Because without that dedication, the discomfort of looking at my harmful parts would blind me to seeing them at all.

I know you’re like me in these ways: 

-We’ve spent our lives trying not to harm anyone, or anything. 

-That’s why it’s so powerful, so potent, and so rich to acknowledge when we have caused harm. 

Are y’all with me? Or am I freaking you out right now? 

I’m inviting you into a deep practice. A raw, radically honest growth opportunity that most people avoid. 

Integrating the truth that, as human beings, we will cause harm to others. 

That is not in question. 

What is in question is how you’ll handle it when it happens. (This is also what determines how minimal the harm is.)

Will you get curious, stay open, and use it to support healing for yourself and others?

Or will you shut down and hide? Deny? Avoid?

The discomfort you feel around this, the resistance – this is the gem of your next level. This is the treasure. This is what you’ve been looking for, waiting for. This grief. This disappointment. This fear. Take it all the way. Ask to be taken all the way. Ask to be shown. Until it’s done. Don’t leave until it’s done. Let the feeling overtake you. Let yourself see and feel what’s true, welcoming what was unwelcomed for so long.

What would it look like to dismantle the instant, reactive judgment around what harm means? 

Not as a bypass, but a way to open our eyes and shine a light on the true impacts of our actions. To free us from the self-attack and overwhelming shame that keep us denying our own capacity for harm. 

I’d love for you to join me in these reflections. 

  • What comes up for me when I practice saying: “I will cause harm”? 
  • What would it be like to create space and meditate on the truth of my harming – without judgment?
  • Where are there more opportunities for me to be in my love? 

How would it feel to prepare myself for those times when I do cause harm… so I can keep my heart open when it happens?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.