When we use comparison to attack ourselves, we’re measuring some gap that we perceive between them and us – and using that difference to make ourselves wrong.
Yet there’s something else happening, and it’s so valuable to understand.
We’re recognizing something in that person that IS us.
We’re seeing a mirror. We wouldn’t register it otherwise. We wouldn’t notice or think about that person.
There are billions of people on the planet who I’ve never seen, heard of, or thought about. In reality, I’m only comparing myself to a very small number of people.
Who are they?
Mostly, they’re people who are extremely similar to me in some way.
So when I’m comparing, I’m actually recognizing an opportunity.
Either there is space and a desire for growth in that direction, or there is space and a desire to acknowledge something that’s already true for me.
When I look at another person and use what’s true about them to minimize or attack myself – I’m removing their humanity in a fundamental way. I’m not seeing them as the complex being that they are.
I experienced this powerful spiritual practice with contemplative teacher Mirabai Bush, when I was blessed to go on retreat with Ram Dass.
We simply looked into another person’s eyes, while she repeated phrase after phrase ending with “Just Like Me.”
This person has suffering, just like me.
This person has desires, just like me.
This person wants to love and be loved, just like me.
This person has been abandoned, just like me.
This person experiences trials when it comes to belonging and self-love, just like me.
Whatever is true about you, it’s true about everybody else. At the most core level. There’s a very powerful practice in looking for the similarities in others, and expecting to see them.
If you’re looking to take this a step further and want to understand what I can help you accomplish, book a call with one of our Clarity Coaches.